Thinking Out Loud

October 18, 2016

Post Bereavement Recovery

Filed under: Christianity, family — Tags: , , , — paulthinkingoutloud @ 2:48 pm

It’s amazing to think how long we’ve been running on adrenaline. I don’t recommend it.

Between all the stress leading up to my mother’s departure from this world to eternity, and then having to move her out of the long-term care facility within 24 hours (and taking an hour to help our son move the next day), and then planning her funeral (and having to attend another funeral out of town) today is the first day I’ve been able to slow down.

Even so, getting there hasn’t been easy. We drove back from the funeral in a horrendous rain storm. I realized that I needed to let Ruth drive. It wasn’t that my eyelids were getting droopy, it was more a case of I thought I might just instantly go to sleep. The dark, dark clouds were just adding to the stress of the drive.

So we stopped on an off-ramp and switched drivers. Several times I asked her if we should stop. “Not as long as I can see the line at the side of the road;” was her answer.

Then today began with a rather ominous sounding and unexpected email concerning my mom’s legal affairs. Our tension level ratcheted up another notch until we were able to get some clarification an hour later.

A few other personal observations:

  • If anxiety, stress, tension, etc., has messed up your sleep schedule, you’re not going to get a normal sleep pattern back right away.
  • It’s one thing to attend a funeral as family; it’s another thing to agree to “be the pastor” and “do” or “take” the funeral, including setting the program, coordinating the tributes, choosing the music (and playing for two songs) and doing all the speaking.
  • If it’s your mother/father/sister/brother who has passed away, that doesn’t mean your spouse is not bearing a lot of the stress and responsibility alongside of you. (Ruth, the slide show and memory book were amazing!)
  • There are always going to be details that fall through the cracks; things that didn’t get said, people you forgot to notify, guests you meant to spend more time with.
  • Grief may come later, much later, or at strange times in strange ways.

Does anyone have any other observations from their own journey?


1 Comment »

  1. It takes a lot of emotional energy to field good-hearted, well-meaning condolences from acquaintances, especially the ones that just pop up during a work day. I usually don’t have the energy to engage well with the “How are you doing?”, “How is the family doing?”, questions in a meaningful way. My communication/vulnerability level does not match their earnestness, I’m afraid. So, I usually just default to a variation of “We’re getting by”, to subtly communicate that I’d like out of the conversation so I can move on with my day. I’ve come to terms with the reality that many people feel the need to have that conversation with me to resume relationship. So, I can indulge them long enough to accomplish that with them, but only with certain people do I truly let my guard down and go deeper.

    Comment by Glenn — October 18, 2016 @ 5:03 pm

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