The “We’re Late for Church” App Lets You Delay the Start of the Service

I was staring at the clock on my vehicle’s dashboard and mentally mapping out if I could make it to church comfortably (and self-righteously) on time for the 9:00 AM service. I had four minutes, no valid weather excuse this week, and then two normally red traffic lights decided to cooperate.

I was thinking that it’s too bad there isn’t an app that contacts the church and grants you an extra 30 seconds of grace. The church should always be about grace, right? The app would somehow signal to the tech team to start the countdown clock a half-minute later and then the worship team would start the first song later as well.

The way I figured it, for a medium-sized church, if five people activated the app from their car it would grant a 30-second delay. If ten people did that would buy everyone 60-seconds. (You could have it set for up a two-minute delay if you wished.) But once that 60-second delay has been factored in, this new information appears on the corner of the giant screen in the auditorium, and people sitting there (who arrived on time) who have the app can log in and down-vote those trying for a later start.

Better yet, once you’ve hit the one minute delay mark, those people still on their way and trying to get the airline to delay the flight (so to speak) have their names displayed in that same corner of the screen. That’s right, this app includes shaming. People who are frequently late would be regularly shamed.

The church should always be about grace, and this app allows for it.

Just not anonymously.

Separated at Birth – Carey Nieuwhof and Steven Curtis Chapman

The North Point affiliate pastor, Christian television co-host, and blogger on church growth and leadership issues sure looks a lot like the CCM artist who recently celebrated 30 years since the release of his first CD.

But do you know which one is which?

---

This is part of a continuing series. (You have to scroll down for the last one.)

lol

It’s probably the world’s most-used (and overused) acronym on emails, but not everyone actually laughs out loud in the course of a day, or for some, even a week.

For many people, it’s hard to laugh right now. Circumstances are somewhat dark, or tense, or frustrating; you’re under a cloud. I get that. I’ve been there.

But for others, the problem is this: Laughter is a surprise emotion, and if you already have guessed the punchline, or noticed the bucket of water above the door, then having seen what’s coming, usually the best you’re good for is a smile.

Unless you’re one of the people who simply laughs at everything. I know you bring joy to a lot of situations, but always bear in mind that when your friends are making a point and want to be taken seriously, that’s not the time for hilarity.

I’ve spent a lifetime of figuring out punchlines before they’re spoken. I know that readers at this Christianity-focused blog may not appreciate all the plot-lines on Modern Family or The Big Bang Theory, but these two sitcoms represent the top of their craft and there is some really good writing that goes into each and every episode. With both this week, I did find myself quite literally lol-ing, even if I wasn’t exactly rofl — look it up — or experiencing a laughter so severe it causes certain body parts to disconnect.

And you need to laugh. The medical folk tell us it’s good for you. Whether it’s Mr. Bean, or Inspector Clouseau, or Basil Fawlty, or Tina Fey; or just that naturally funny person who is in your sphere of influence. Having a pet will also bring down your blood pressure, although they say you have to actually pet the pet for that to work. Dog food and cat litter can get pricey, but laughter is free.

And the Bible got there first: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine,” at least that’s how the old KJV puts Proverbs 17:22; but I much prefer to leave you with The Voice Bible’s “A joy-filled heart is curative balm.” That’s right, curative balm. I guess it’s part of trying to make your translation stand out from the rest of the pack.

Which reminds me…

…A conservative Evangelical Bible translator walked into a bar. “Gee,” the bartender said, “We don’t get many conservative Evangelical Bible translators in here.” To which he replied, “No, and at these prices you’re not going to get many more.”

Finally, from the movie Uncle Buck, a song that’s been stuck in my head ever since.

 

Wednesday Link List

Stay here to read classic Wednesday links, or visit PARSE to view nine selected stories with more preview info.

The above image from the Ship of Fools archives seemed appropriate given that women can now officially be bishops in the Church of England.

• Desiring God interviews missionary and Ebola survivor Nancy Writebol, who says that it’s all worth the risks aid workers are taking: “[T]o just turn away and put our backs to the world is wrong.”
• These reviews of Kirk Cameron’s film Saving Christmas weren’t exactly glowing, and these were from people within the camp, so to speak.
• The first-ever Islamic Jumaa prayer gathering at Washington’s National Cathedral was interrupted by a woman who stood up saying, “Jesus Christ died on that cross over there; He is the reason why we are to worship only Him. Jesus Christ is our lord and savior!”  Needless to say, she was escorted out…
• …Franklin Graham says the service should have never taken place in that setting…
• …While meanwhile in Canada, a similar situation is avoided by cancelling the event, but one writer suggests that may have been the wrong move.
• From a few weeks ago, but too important to miss, is the National Association of Evangelicals’ statement on end of life issues.
• With the Mark Driscoll story somewhat played out, on the book publishing side of things, the attention now shifts to David Jeremiah.
• Worldviews in Collision – Opening the very same weekend as the movie 50 Shades of Grey, Valentine’s Day 2015, the movie Old Fashioned is a kind of anti-50 Shades.  The battle takes place at a multiplex near you.
• The fiancée of Ebola victim Eric Duncan is still struggling. “I am hurt, I am displaced, I have this Ebola stigma on me and no one will take me in,” she said. However, the Christian Examiner reports that “Wilshire [Baptist] church members were among the few who didn’t shun [Louise] Troh and her family. The congregation literally and figuratively embraced her in welcome when she attended a service after her quarantine.’ 
• Should Serena be granted church membership? There are some fairly solid arguments on both sides of this case study which will put your mind into overdrive. Read the four ‘expert’ opinions, and then decided which way you would vote.
  
• “In its unredeemed state, lust disrupts our ordered sexuality, resulting in the objectification and oppression of our bodies, and the misuse of sex for the sake of our own greed and pleasure.”  A woman considers the consequences of lust.
• A new EFCA report shows that overall, we gave 6.9% more in 2013, and then breaks down that giving by ministry category.
• Thom Rainer gives five reasons why Millennials don’t want to pastor established churches, and one major problem this creates. 
• According the website Right Wing Watch, Donnie Swaggart, son of Jimmy Swaggart “asserted that, like ISIS, gay rights activists in America would publicly behead Christians if they could get away with it.” 
• So many issues in this story, one of which is: Can you be excommunicated from a church you’ve already stopped attending?
  
• TBN Africa has rebranded under the name Faith Broadcasting Network.
• He had reached the limit and was ready to end it all. God had other plans. 
• One of my favorite teachers from the Willow Creek Midweek Experience, Wheaton College’s Dr. Gary Burge was a guest on this week’s Phil Vischer Podcast.
  
• Essay of the Week: On men and church, “[T]he malaise of masculinity is a symptom of a deeper and more profound contemporary social and existential malaise, a malaise that affects everyone.”
• It only took one atheist parent to object to a high school concert being staged at a Presbyterian Church — even though the concert contained no religious content — to get the entire event canceled, much to the annoyance of students, parents and staff.
• In addition to the possibility of building showers for the homeless at The Vatican, this article also mentions a change of underwear and possibly haircuts…
• …However, less popular with some readers here is the Pope’s statement that, “the scientific account of the beginning of the universe and the development of life through evolution are compatible with the Catholic Church’s vision of creation.”
• While this story doesn’t mention Christian groups, a new law in Australia bars “hate preachers” from entering the country. 
• There’s now a new record for the world’s longest sermon…any guesses as to how long? You’re probably low.
  
• Worship Song of the Week: Unstoppable God from Elevation Worship.
• Video Resource of the Week: Three hours with author Randy Alcorn. Free! 
• And here’s a bonus song, just in time for the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday, My Heart is Full of Thankfulness by The Getty’s, or if you prefer a more rollicking version by Stuart Townend.
  
• Video Curiosity of the Week: Cindy Cruse and Take Six give Toto’s Rosanna new lyrics as Hosanna, a worship song, circa 2005. 
• The Covenant Awards are Canada’s equivalent of The Dove Awards. Here are the 2014 winners.
  
• Finally, a humorous, exhaustive look at various interpretations of the Alex Lee phenomenon, aka #AlexFromTarget.

 

With all the many challenges that gay couples face, I honestly didn’t think of this one:

 

Top Ten Reasons You Wouldn’t Want Your Parents to Name You ‘Messiah’

I have this linked on tomorrow’s post, but it seemed too good not to share in full here.  Send the creator known as Flagrant Regard — who gave kind permission for Thinking Out Loud to reblog this — some stats love by reading this at source…

In Tennessee this week, a judge was cited for his ruling that a couple who’d petitioned to have their new-born son registered with the first-name, ‘Messiah’ could not do so on the grounds that, “The word ‘messiah’ is a title, and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person, and that one person is Jesus Christ.” ¹

While we agree that the judge was a little over-zealous in his ruling – that people should have the right to name their kid almost anything they want – we DO think that growing up with the name, ‘Messiah’ may have its drawbacks.

Here now (ala David Letterman format) are the

TOP TEN REASONS WHY YOU WOULDN’T WANT YOUR PARENTS TO NAME YOU ‘MESSIAH’

10. Getting caught swearing by people who are happy to note, “Well that sure doesn’t sound Aramaic to me!”

9. Having to avoid common sayings that could offend such as, “I’m just hanging around” or “Really nailed it” … (sorry!)

8. Trying to live up to the high expectation your mom has that you’ll treat her like Holy Mother Mary at all times

7. Problem when there’s a shortage of grape juice at the family dinner and everyone turns to you, begging for you do something about it

6. Finding that, when another kid named ‘Messiah’ in your class is the one causing problems, you hear yourself telling the teacher, “But I’m not the Messiah you’re looking for!”

5. Your mother talks about you to her friends, saying, “Oh he’s fine – just don’t cross him.”

4. Being chided by your professor of religion (right after he informs you that you’re failing his class), “If you are indeed who you say you are, throw yourself into your work and I’ll give you all the great grades you see before you.”

3. High probability of bullies in the schoolyard whacking you from behind and shouting, “Okay Messiah, who hit you?”

2. Being told by your family waiting at the airport for your arrival during the thanksgiving holidays, “Yeah, we saw you coming in the clouds” every flippin’ year

… and the NUMBER ONE REASON FOR WHY YOU SHOULDN’T NAME YOUR CHILD ‘MESSIAH’ …

1.Far too easy for psychiatrists to figure out what kind of complex you’re developing.

© 2013 Flagrant Regard

(1) http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sns-rt-us-usa-tennessee-judge-20131025,0,617443.story

Rapture Cats

Sometimes an image is simply so powerful, so compelling, I just can’t say no. This is from the video produced by After The Rapture Pet Care.

Related articles here (Colson: Pets don’t go to heaven) and here (Alcorn: Oh yes they do). And on the rapture, this piece (Rapture? What Rapture?).

Wednesday Link List

Click the image above to learn more about the comic book version of the book In His Steps, where the whole WWJD thing originated.

• A really heartfelt story from Shaun Groves describing the somewhat atypical process whereby their family of five became a family of six. 
• A follow-up report on the aftermath of the Waldo Canyon fire on Navigator’s Eagle Lake Camp and Glen Eyrie Conference Center.
• Tim Stevens introduces a cool church property rebranding that reflects a heart to reach the community: Granger Community Church is now Granger Commons.
  
• The Evangelical church gave thousands of kids their dreams of being a rock star and made up this new staff position called “Worship Leader”.  According to Carlos W., it’s time for some to lose that dream.
  
• Philip Yancey encounters Hanna, a woman both blind and autistic, on her first visit to the United States. 
• Here’s a very well-written look at confronting our fears in the wake of the event in Colorado and similar events elsewhere.
• And in the wake of the shooting, a most unusual good news story about a girl who was saved by a birth defect she never knew she had. 
• Really enjoyed the Pete Wilson podcast, particularly the question from an aspiring pastor who asked if he could come to Cross Point as an intern.
  
• Nearly 15 years ago, ‘print on demand’ technology was supposed to bring back many out of print books, including Christian titles. The technology works, but where are the books? 
• Ouch! Every year dozens of boys in South Africa die from botched circumcisions. I read the article but skipped the video.
  
• A Canadian version of the oft-repeated story wherein the owner of a Bread and Breakfast refuses to rent a room to a gay couple, and pays the price in court.
• Doing camp ministry in North America this summer? Here are six reasons why it would be quite different if you were in Slovakia.
  
• If you like your Christian music LOUD, then you need to visit all the new lyric videos posted last week by the band House of Heroes.
• Randy Morgan finds a great book excerpt from Garrison Keillor, speaking in the voice of Guy Noir, Private Eye; on the subject of modern teenagers.
  
• Zondervan continues its Counterparts series with Four Views on Christian Spirituality, comparing Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholicism, Evangelicalism, and Liberal Protestantism.
• A large auditorium is a large auditorium, right? Not in Wisconsin. A Federal court has ruled that school graduations that took place in churches were unconstitutional. 
• Here’s one of my own pieces at Christianity 201, about getting the nerve to ‘pop the question’ to someone with whom you’ve shared your faith.
• And another one at C201 about what kind of people get picked to spread the good news.
  
• Wanna be a priest, a minister or a rabbi? (No this isn’t a bad joke.) Well, if you have a smart phone, you could always download Ordain Thyself. Tony Jones spotted a mention of it at CNN.

Wednesday Link List

Wednesday List Links

Welcome back to WLL. You’re not playing the game unless you click through. Place your mouse on the underlined section of each story and click.  (“Oh, you mean that’s how it works?”)  Above image: Sacred Sandwich archives.

• Like his father before him — and at almost the same age and circumstances —  a Pentecostal minister from a snake-handling sect dies from a rattlesnake bite.
  
• A former marine gets assigned to preach the section of the Sermon on the Mount dealing with non-violence. Reactions were strong, but not from military people.
•  “For an insecure 16/17-year-old kid whose life, identity, main social activity, and faith were wrapped up in the church she’d been a part of her entire life, it was devastating.”   Check out 11 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Church Split.
• Saturday, May 26, 2012 was supposed to be M.’s wedding day. But in between, after reading the book, When Sinners Say I Do by David Harvey, things changed.
• Thanks to whoever sent me info about Cardiphonia. Original worship songs on three different themes on a pay-what-you-can basis. The newest is Hymns for the Ascension.  Or just listen.
• Just when you thought you had solved the dilemma of whether to be buried or have your ashes scattered to the four winds, now there is the option of diamond burial.
  
• On a similar theme, here’s a major discussion at Parchment and Pen on the subject some of you have considered, How Can Heaven Be Heaven When People You Love Are In Hell?
  
• Got 9 minutes? On video, an orthodox priest teaches the difference between the Protestant view of salvation and the Orthodox view of salvation, under the title, Love Wins – An Orthodox View.
  
• Got 53 minutes? That’s a greater commitment. But you’d get to hear the very first ever Phil Vischer podcast with Skye Jethani. (This is for you adults, not the kids.)
  
• Got all day?  Check out the video-on-demand apologetics programs featuring Ken Ham at Answers in Genesis.
  
• Joel Osteen is set to sit in the producer’s chair for a new movie about the life of Mary which he hopes will be “the biblical prequel to the story of The Passion of The Christ.”
  
• Remember that story about the 43-building college campus that was going to be given away free of charge?  Well, it’s down to two finalists.
  
• Here’s an article by yours truly at C201 designed for those of you who want to rethink how you draft your prayer lists. (I actually do some serious writing once in awhile.)
  
• And a message to those graduating from the hallowed halls: The academy doesn’t need more academics, but the local church does.  Advice for theological seminary grads.
  
• Mystery link: Does anyone know the story behind this Elevation Church music video? The YouTube location has no information and the blogger who posted this was equally silent.
  
• Matt Hafer’s advice to pastors actually has application to anyone who proposes to stand before a group of people and lead them into God’s Word.
  
• It’s “the only billion dollar house in the world.  Ironically, it’s found in one of the poorest countries; India.” America’s Next Top Mommy looks at over-indulgence.
  
• You have to read the comments on this one: Advice for students heading off this fall to a Christian college or university.
  
• Todd Rhoades thinks it’s only a matter of time before a pastor legally changes his name to something ending in dot com.
  
• If the Blue Like Jazz movie missed your town, you can arrange for a showing.
  

Classic auto emblem from The Holy Observer

Wednesday Link List

I always type a ‘filler’ introductory paragraph here when I start, only last week, I didn’t update it and you were left with the rather lame, “Wednesday is here again.”  If you’re reading this, I didn’t catch this one, either.

• For one week, Talbot Davis cancels the morning service at Good Shepherd United Methodist in Charlotte in favor of having multiple home church meetings instead, though they do gather at the church later in the day.  “You don’t bring your family to church… but we are living, breathing churches; the temple of the Holy Spirit, so we actually take the church with us to the campus each Sunday to celebrate in community what God is doing is in the home.”
  
• For some people, the upcoming weekend just hurts, and church services just amplify that hurt. Those are the people dealing with infertility. Russell D. Moore rethinks Mother’s Day:”What if pastors and church leaders were to set aside a day for prayer for children for the infertile? In too many churches ministry to infertile couples is relegated to support groups that meet in the church basement during the week, under cover of darkness…”
  
• Save the date: June 21-24 — The second Wildgoose Festival in North Carolina; with the most amazing mix of musicians and speakers. If I could get to only one U.S. summer festival, this would be it.
  
• Here is Proverbs 1:8-9 in the new Social Media Bible: “My followers, read your father’s tweets & do not delete your mother’s messages. For they will be retweetable.”  The genealogies in Matthew are especially interesting.
  
• Antioch Baptist Church pastor Ken Hutcherson says, “I am the gayest man I know.”  But then he explains what that means. “…Hutcherson is not a homosexual, nor does the happily married man have a same-sex attraction of any kind. He is, however, on a mission to take back words, phrases and symbols he believes groups…have “hijacked” from the American lexicon.
• Michael Belote thinks that both at home school and public school, children aren’t learning how to learn.  “…we have become a nation of individuals who are firmly entrenched in philosophies that we do not understand: we are loyal to paradigms of which we remain mostly ignorant with regard to detail…”
• Rebecca St. James narrates Mother India, a documentary premiering this fall about the real backstory in another film,  Slumdog Millionaire.  “…a compelling documentary following the adventure of 25 courageous orphans living as a family along the railway as they make pivotal decisions that will directly impact their future… filmed in January 2012 in southern India with a small production team…”
  
• Karen Spears Zacharias has released a true story highlighting the impact of child abuse. A Silence of Mockingbirds is released through MacAdam Cage Publishing, which means this one may not be at your local Christian bookstore.
  
• Does your church sing a lot of worship songs that are exclusive to your church; songs that were written by your own worship team leaders?  Bobby and Kristen Gilles recommend finding a place of balance.
  
• An interesting dinner date: Canadian cult-watcher James Beverley dines in New York with Peter H. Gilmore, head of the Church of Satan. “…His positive characteristics are nonetheless evidence of God’s common grace…”
  
• Don’t know where Tim Challies finds these things, but here’s an interesting blog about an Australian couple now serving in Mongolia.  This is a general link, scroll back and follow recent developments in a country where even buying a chair is a major accomplishment.
  
• Michael Kruger suggests five different ways technology is affecting us in Rescuring Church from a Facebook Culture.  “…It is a low-commitment and low-accountability type of interaction.  We control—and entirely control—the duration, intensity, and level of contact.  At any moment, we can simply stop.   But, the Christian life, and real Christian relationships don’t work like this…”
• Here’s another piece about technology at church, as in Matt Hafer’s Showing VHS’s to a Blu-Ray World. “Our financial giving isn’t where it needs to be and we brainstormed on why. One of the reasons that was plain to us is, we pass a bucket around and tell people the drop in cash or checks. The problems is, no one in 2012 carries cash and most people under 35 write a check about once a month…”
• To post or not to post?  Matthew Paul Turner found this picture of a rather disturbing piece of fashion he called The Jesus Mini-Skirt.  If the image isn’t here, then you’ll have to click; it means better judgment prevailed.
  
• Not exactly a Christian story, but CBN News reports on Chinese students being given IV hookups to amino acids to boost energy as they prepare for college entrance exams. It’s controversial, but not believed to be harmful.
  
• Eugene Peterson didn’t just get up one morning and start translating the Bible. Several steps led up to the creation of The Message including: “…He read translations of the Iliad and the Odyssey, from Greek to English. He discovered the translation principles use by these translators.”
  
• The Grace Television Network now claims to be “Canada’s Largest 24/7 Provider of Christian Programming.”
  
• As I type this, on Monday, Jon Acuff is at Stuff Christians Like #1199, but if I remember to update this, he will have passed the twelve hundred mark. [Later…] SCL #1200 was inspired by some people who chose to talk all through the service on Sunday… while sitting in the front row!
  
• If you feel you must criticize something your pastor did or didn’t do, save it for Tuesday. Many pastors have a tougher time getting through Monday than Sunday.
  
• Click the images to connect with more comics from ASBO Jesus (above) and For Heaven’s Sake (below).
  

Wednesday Link List

The timely graphic above has been making the rounds on Facebook.

• Who was where, and when?  This Bible Gateway timeline of Holy Week is worth studying.  Click to see the post, then click again to see the image, and click a third time to enlarge it. You’ve never seen the Good Friday & Easter story in such detail.
  
• And if you’re looking for a meaningful Easter song, go back a year on this blog and revisit this one.  Or this one.
  
• A Christian group prayed over a section of highway leading into their town and anointed it with oil.  An atheist group decided to wash off the blessing. My favorite quote from this article: “What is inexplicable to me is how atheists or secularists could possibly be affected or  ‘offended’ by prayers when they don’t view them as having any real value?”
  
• A Delta Airlines passengers refuses to shut off his iPad showing a child-centered pornographic film. The flight attendant refused to intervene.
  
• Teens can see the Bully movie in Canada, but can’t in the U.S. In the meantime, the movie is drawing out discussion to a level that gives the issue some profile.
  
• Mark Driscoll has stepped down from chairing the Acts 29 church planting network, turning responsibility over to Matt Chandler, which in turn relocates the ministry to Dallas from Seattle.  But he’s also stepping down from the council of The Gospel Coalition. 2-in-1 story at Wartburg Watch.
  
• The blog Church and Synagogue Security News, now has a section devoted to security issues arising on mission trips.
  
• CNN’s Religion blog gets inside the spiritual heritage of Oikos University, the Christian college in California where Monday’s shooting took place. Excerpt: “Korean-American Christianity probably represents the fastest-growing part of the Asian American religious landscape…”
  
• If you enjoyed yesterday’s post by Alicia Yost from America’s Next Top Mommy, here’s another of her well-written adventures in parenting.
  
• If October Baby isn’t playing at a theater near you, here’s the official trailer.  And here’s a review: Jeff and his wife really liked it.
  
• Check out a couple of (very) modern worship songs from Harvest Bible Chapel in Oakville, Ontario.
  
• Seductive faith: If it feels good, you’ve done it right. But consider the source of that kind of thinking.
  
• Meet Jason Meyer, touted as the successor to John Piper at Bethlehem Church in Minneapolis. Elsewhere, Piper says, “The reason we are moving forward with the succession plan now has to do with a strong conviction that good pastoring is more than preaching.”
• Financing a Christian college education ain’t easy. But a “miracle” can happen if you’re willing to work for it!  This Canadian story mentions a few principles that may apply more widely.
• Nobody puts their hand up anymore in school, or elsewhere.  It’s all done with clickers.  Even the kids at the Bible Quiz at Southgate Church of Christ got mentioned in this New York Times technology story. They’re using 150 of them to record answers to 180 multiple choice questions.
• Want more links? There’s always Lisa Buffaloe’s Links to Blog Blessings. Or check out The Read and Share File at Master’s Table.
  
• Note to regular readers:  The link to the Christian Blog Topsites that usually appears in the sidebar has been removed as the site was apparently hacked. My computer did not entirely avoid some consequences, but is at least functional. Citing health concerns, proprietor Mark Strohm has decided to take the site down. We thank Mark for his years of service to this blog, introducing us to new blogs and introducing new readers to ours.