Thinking Out Loud

March 7, 2019

No Secrets in a Marriage?

Filed under: Christianity, marriage — Tags: , , , , , , , — paulthinkingoutloud @ 10:00 am

Before I met her, my wife worked as a magician’s assistant. That’s not the set-up for a story, it’s really true.

Shortly after we were married, I asked her about the routine and she mentioned one particular illusion, and I asked her how they did it.

David & Kylie Knight are Christian magicians who would never sue me for using this photo image. Learn more about them here.

She wouldn’t tell me.

The ability to maintain a confidence is a great character trait to possess, but we were married, right? There’s no secrets in a marriage, right? Surely she could tell me, couldn’t she?

But she flatly refused. The more I kept grilling her, the more she stated that she had promised not to reveal the secret to anyone, and it was a promise she intended to keep.

And this was before the internet.

I was angry. I got up and went for a walk in the ravine. (Our apartment overlooked a beautiful river valley, but there was trouble in paradise that day!)

Fast forward 30 years…

…We were talking about magic acts somehow last night, and I asked her if the trick in question was one she would perform back in the day. It was.

So then I asked her how it’s done.

You guessed it; 30 years later we were having the same conversation and she still refused to tell me how the illusion is performed.

“You know that Penn and Teller probably have a video on this?” I reminded her.

But her loyalty to her promise, made back in the 1980s still held for her, and she wasn’t about to break that promise last night.

…I realize there are pastors who are told things in confidence that are told to them in the church office which cannot be shared. But I would think that a good percentage of these pastors use their spouse as a sounding board to either get an additional perspective or decompress from an intense counselling session. I would also equally recognize that it’s more in the DNA of some pastors to simply not burden their spouse with the information that would come with sharing.

I’ve been told things, and on occasion, before the words are out of the person’s mouth, I will say, “I will keep the confidence, but can I share it with my wife?” Most, some of whom know her, will say yes.

And as it turns out they don’t need to worry about information leaks from her, since apparently a secret with her is safe. For life. With everyone.

I still want to know how they do the trick, but more than that, I wish she would just tell me.

Magicians, eh?

I hear we’re having rabbit stew for dinner.

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February 9, 2010

Once Again, A Loss of Trust

A military commander from Canadian Forces Base Trenton in eastern Ontario has been charged with two counts of first-degree murder in the deaths of two women.

Col. Russell Williams, 46, of Tweed, the top commander at 8 wing CFB Trenton, was arrested Sunday in Ottawa, Ontario Provincial Police Det.-Insp. Chris Nicholas said at a news conference Monday.

Williams has been charged with first-degree murder in the death of Jessica Lloyd, 27, whose body was found Monday off Cary Road in the municipality of Tweed.

Lloyd had been missing since Jan. 28 from her home outside Tweed, about 30 kilometres north of Belleville.

Ontario’s chief coroner is to conduct an autopsy on Lloyd’s body, which arrived in Toronto late Monday afternoon.

Williams was also charged in the death of Cpl. Marie-France Comeau, 38, of Brighton, Ont., who was killed in her home Nov. 25. Comeau served with the 437 Squadron at CFB Trenton.

…So begins a story on CBC News that has left Canadians somewhat shattered early this week.   Within hours over 300 people had posted comments to the site before the CBC decided to shut down the comment section of the story.

Williams had flown Canadian army aircraft for the Prime Minister and for visiting royalty.   He enjoyed a position of trust such as few others in this country.

Earlier in the day Monday, we had driven along Canada’s busiest highway, where a large sign invited the public’s help in finding Ms. Lloyd, pictured at right, who was last seen on January 28th.   An extensive search involved many people in Belleville, a city approximately an hour and a half east of Toronto.     Ms. Comeau, a Canadian army corporal,  had been found murdered on November 25th.

As we discussed the story over dinner, while we reminded ourselves that until brought to trial, Col. Williams is only alleged to have committed the crimes in question, it is no small task to place some in such high profile under arrest.  The police would need a fairly high degree of certainty, while Col. Williams would possibly place himself as beyond suspicion.

All this of course at a time when Canada is enduring painful losses in Afghanistan.

One of the deleted comments at CBC News wondered how anyone could be in charge of one of Canada’s largest military bases with what will certainly emerge as a disturbing mental health profile.   (Williams is also charged with two counts of sexual assault and forcible confinement.)

I feel sad.   Sad not only for the families of the two women and for Williams’ family, but sad for every young person who sees our military — especially right now — as heroes.  Some of that confidence was shattered today.

The shadow it casts on the Canadian military and to Canada itself is leaving us reeling.

How do we teach our children to “respect those in authority,” when those in authority often disappoint?   As adults, who do we trust?   Is there anyone on earth who we can truly trust, or is it inevitable that people are going to let us down?

Psalm 20:7 (NIV) Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

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