Thinking Out Loud

January 2, 2018

“Dad, I’m gay”

Filed under: children, Christianity, Church, issues, parenting — Tags: , — paulthinkingoutloud @ 7:37 am

What do you do when your son says, “I am gay?”  There’s a lot contained in that three word statement, certainly more than initially registers. A Christian friend experienced this several months ago and continues to wrestle with the implications. Recently, he asked to share this with readers here.


“Dad, I’m gay.”

When my son says “Dad, I am gay”, what he is saying is . . .

I had the courage to tell you something very important.

I have been trying to figure this all out for quite some time now.

I’m more likely to deal with depression than a straight child.

I’m more likely to have suicidal thoughts than a straight child.

I am more likely to be picked on or talked about than a straight child.

I would be arrested in certain parts of the world.

I would be put to death in certain parts of the world.

I’m not sure I will be accepted at church.

I’m not sure you will be accepted at church either depending on how you handle this.

Though I am your son, I am not just like you.

I am still your son, and in many ways, just like you.

I am still your child, but am not a child anymore.

I will want you to meet my boyfriend someday.

If I take a step of covenanting with a man to be faithful to him the rest of my life, many of your friends may tell you that you should not attend that celebration. My friends will not hesitate to be there for me.

You may not change your perspective on homosexuality, but I do expect you to be understanding of mine.

I want you to celebrate and have joy because of me, not merely tolerate me.

I know that you love Jesus and the Bible. I am also aware that you love me. You need to figure out what all that looks like.

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11 Comments »

  1. That’s a thought-provoking post. I find these issues are so easy to paint black and white when the people involved are hypothetical or at least faceless folks outside our monkey sphere.

    It’s different when it hits close to home. May anyone in that situation figure out what that love looks like in practice… along with all of us who claim His name.

    Comment by sonworshiper — January 2, 2018 @ 10:17 am

  2. “Dad, I’m gay.”

    When my son says “Dad, I am gay”, what he is saying is . . .

    I had the courage to tell you something very important.
    OR: I have the compulsion (due to my sin-nature) to rebel against the norm (and God’s default design) and figure you should accept me cause I’m your
    son.
    I have been trying to figure this all out for quite some time now.
    OR: I have decided to live by the dictates of my desires, which do not conform to God’s plan, your hopes and ideas for me, and feel that resistance is
    futile. Going with ‘what feels right’ will be my go to.
    I’m more likely to deal with depression than a straight child.
    OR: My orientation is the cause of my depression, proving it is psychologically deficient and aberrant – was noted as such until 1972 in the DSM-II
    psych manual of mental disorders. Disorders lead to comorbidity with other conditions.
    I’m more likely to have suicidal thoughts than a straight child.
    OR: Homosexuality, as it is a psychological condition, will cause internal struggles that should be dealt with professionally, and when not dealt with
    properly, may lead to futile thinking and escapism rather than dealing.
    I am more likely to be picked on or talked about than a straight child.
    OR: Being aberrant and against the grain of the dominant trait of nature, I will not fit with society but since I have my rights, will insist and nonetheless
    expect them to accept me as normal.
    I would be arrested in certain parts of the world.
    OR: I happen to live in a country that is civil enough to allow me to live my abnormality/aberrant behaviours publicly without fear of repercussion.
    I would be put to death in certain parts of the world.
    OR: See above.
    I’m not sure I will be accepted at church.
    OR: I demand that churches accept me and my ‘partner’ ‘wife’ ‘husband’ because I do … and since what I do is my right, you should indulge my
    choices.
    I’m not sure you will be accepted at church either depending on how you handle this.
    OR: Sorry my choice will affect you … but, not really, or I would do everything possible to unselfishly honour you with doing what I can to make things
    less difficult for you.
    Though I am your son, I am not just like you.
    OR: Since I’m not like you, I insist you accept me … my friends do, so why not YOU – my own flesh and blood? Aren’t you ‘my friend’ too?
    I am still your son, and in many ways, just like you.
    OR: Try and remember the good things that line up between us … overlook the life-choices I make that will upset you. I insist!
    I am still your child, but am not a child anymore.
    OR: I am still a rebellious child who fancies him/herself an adult by doing what I feel impelled to do, regardless of the costs to my mental health,
    physical body, and family.
    I will want you to meet my boyfriend someday.
    OR: I demand that you accept my abnormal disposition and everything that goes with it. I call it love, so should you.
    If I take a step of covenanting with a man to be faithful to him the rest of my life, many of your friends may tell you that you should not attend that celebration. My friends will not hesitate to be there for me.
    OR: Gee dad, are you my ‘friend’ or a parent? You better be like my friends because they love me for what I am and do, so get with it!
    You may not change your perspective on homosexuality, but I do expect you to be understanding of mine.
    OR: You must accept me because I’m your son. Isn’t blood thicker than water? (Oh wait, that’s not what the saying really means … hmmm).
    I want you to celebrate and ave (sic) joy because of me, not merely tolerate me.
    OR: I want you to do what I want you to do, see the way I want you to see, lest you lose my respect. How dare you do anything to lose my respect!
    I know that you love Jesus and the Bible. I am also aware that you love me. You need to figure out what all that looks like.
    OR: What I call ‘love’ dictates that you should call it love too. Therefore if you want to be Jesus-y, you must love me like He did. He loved sinners, so he must have been okay with the sins. Just like YOU should be. I’ll be the judge of how Jesus-y you are, because I am in love. Accept me or else.

    There is always 3 sides to a story – yours, mine and the truth. The problem with the budding homosexual is that they put their sexual identity at the front of the train of their personhood and all the other cars trail behind. I’m generalizing you say? Ask Rosaria Butterfield her thoughts on the matter …

    Comment by Flagrant Regard — January 2, 2018 @ 2:21 pm

  3. Even though we love our son, are we not condoning their lifestyle of sin by celebrating in their marriage and adoption/birth of children?
    OR: Do we love them through it all knowing one day our daughter/son will answer to the King?

    Would Jesus have celebrated a same-sex union?

    Comment by Joanne — January 3, 2018 @ 8:56 am

  4. Paul, This is beautifully and lovingly written. I just read a beautiful and loving book on the same subject. You may want to read it. It opened my eyes and mind to how Christians must lovingly and also truthfully engage those in our midst. The book is “God and the Transgender Debate by Andrew T. Walker.
    Blessings, Dottie

    Comment by dottieparish — January 3, 2018 @ 7:30 pm

  5. Reblogged this on Two-Spirited People.

    Comment by Sunkatokeca Miagi — January 23, 2018 @ 2:40 pm

  6. Inspiring and true….

    Comment by Icouldbegayinvancouver — February 3, 2018 @ 5:43 pm

  7. We all have different experiences. We all approach them as best we can. I like the tenderness and reality it presents. One can’t deny its truth. Finding ones sexuality is part of growing up and forming ones identity. This is true to all. In the process faith will present itself. Find people you admire.

    Comment by Eugenio Zorrilla — February 28, 2018 @ 9:51 pm

  8. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have to come out to my dad sometime in the next couple months and I’m terrified.

    Comment by travelmatt — March 22, 2018 @ 9:21 pm


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