Latest from the Church Curmudgeon

On the one hand, he has 63,300 followers on Twitter. On the other hand, not everybody is on Twitter and this deserves a wider readership, not to mention preservation since Twitter offers little in terms of accessible archives.  Welcome back to more from my favorite presence in the Twitterverse,  Church Curmudgeon:

• Our drummer hasn’t seen many dangers or toils, but he’s sure gone through a lot of snares.
• Who among you, if his son asked for a donut, would give him a scone?
• Worship leader found the old choir music closet. I told him they’re Greek manuscripts. Doesn’t know the difference.
• When Noah realized how long he was going to be on the ark with those animals, he felt like he’d been hit with a 2 by 2.
• A guy got caught stealing an idol from our local museum in hopes of auctioning it off. Baal has been set at $50,000.
• The church cut the Senior’s group budget to 20 bucks per event. So tonight we’re going to party like it’s $19.99.
• Please pray for the children’s director, who fell off a ladder and suffered injuries to her head and shoulders, knees & toes, knees & toes.
• I tried to cancel my meeting with Hank from the King-James-Only church, but he didn’t receptus my textus.
• Headed over to the seminary barbecue this afternoon. Otherwise known as casting a pig into a herd of D. Mins
• They kicked the guitarist off the worship team, and won’t let him come back until he finds Gsus.
• It would be easier for the congregation to lip-sync if they’d put the right words up.
• It’s one thing to be at a loss for words in worship. It’s another to write a song called “Jesus, I’m All, Like, Dude”.
• When my pastor’s discouraged, I’ve always found that a note reminding him how to do his job helps me feel better.
• If you leave your Bible at church, we highlight all the really weird passages to make your children wonder about you when you die.
• Blowout deals on hymns at How Great Thou Mart.
• You can’t debunk someone who had nowhere to bunk in the first place.
• Today, in an effort to be more accurate, the tech team is just going to type in what they think we’re singing as we go.
• Changing our vision statement from “Excellence in All Things” to “Somebody Has to Be Below Average”.
• Joel Holstein – Your Best Life Cow
• People don’t care about how much you grumble unless you grumble about how much they care.
• I love how people who mock the Bible for having food laws change their whole diet on the basis of a Facebook link.
• Pastor’s “attending” a webinar today. I’m assuming this will lead to a degree from a webinary.
• If our creepy puppet ministry saves one creepy kid, it will be worth it all.
• What’s the SleepNumber® on your pew?
• In a better world, there would also be a theologian named OT Wong.
• If you don’t think God is patient, forgiving, and long-suffering, consider that He has read ALL of Twitter.

Well that covers about a 90-day window, but is just a small part of the 4,600+ Tweets on the curmudgeon’s feed.

So is it just me, or is Church Curmudgeon a Christian publishing deal waiting to happen?