Thinking Out Loud

March 26, 2009

Deeply Regretting Things Done in My Past

Filed under: Christianity — Tags: , , , , , , — paulthinkingoutloud @ 7:49 pm


This story of an 18-year old in Cincinnati who hanged herself last July after constant taunts from both school friends and strangers had an eerie resemblance to several other stories that have crossed my path lately.    We sometimes call it cyber-bullying, but it’s really just harassment, ramped up to the nth degree.

Suddenly, my mind flashed back to a scene in a different era several decades ago…   A group of teenagers returning from a weekend at the beach.   The cottage, situated on one of the Great Lakes,  was owned by a good friend, and his dad was driving us home.   He’d dropped people off one at a time and arranged it so at the end it was only my friend and I left in the car.

Then he let us have it.    “The way you treated ***** was terrible;” he said.   “Don’t you know the boy has feelings?”   Actually, no.  Mainly because  ***** seemed content to laugh along with the rest of us, as we ridiculed his speech and mannerisms.   And some of us — like me, for example — didn’t know back then how to let a joke die…

Dear RG

The chances of you reading this are one in a gazillion, but I need to know that it’s out there.   Perhaps someone else will read this who isn’t you and doesn’t know me; but they’ll claim it as their own.    Perhaps by some miracle you’ll see this and recognize my name and know it’s for you.

We like to think things were better back then.   There was no e-mail, or texting, or instant messaging, or Twitter.   No matter what people thought about you, you could go home and shut the door and be within the safety of your family.    I don’t know if your family provided that kind of refuge for you, or if our remarks were so hurtful that you went home and cried.

We didn’t really mean to hurt you.    We thought you were in on the gag.   Looking back, you were probably just being brave, just being defensive.

Today, the kids have all this technology and we know that bullying doesn’t have to be physical, it doesn’t have to mean picking a fight.    While we didn’t have the technology to invade the sanctity of peoples’ homes and continue the harassment; we should try to remember that we weren’t that innocent in those innocent times.    People were mean and cruel and said things they shouldn’t have; and some of us didn’t know when to quit.

So, RG; I’m sorry.   I hope you were able to triumph over our high school stupidity and that you’ve made a good life for yourself all these years later.

For what it’s worth, I went to church back then, but didn’t understand the dynamics of living as a Christ follower.   I didn’t let my faith deeply impact my behavior.  I didn’t know my life was supposed to reflect a difference; a distinctive; patterned after the One I had pledged myself to serve and obey.

Some of that came together during the very last weeks of high school; some I figured out in the second term of first year university; some came together when I was 21; some I learned when I got married and had kids of my own; some stuff I worked out last year and last month; and a lot of what it means to bear the name of Jesus Christ I truly have yet to learn.

Yesterday I read a story about a young girl in Cincinnati and how the taunts of her friends and acquaintances drover her to the lowest point.   I read of the agony of her parents; the grief of losing their only child, and all the hopes and dreams and aspirations they had for her.

And suddenly I thought of you;  I thought of us; I thought of that cottage weekend when I simply didn’t know when to shut up.   I wish I could relive that weekend over again; and I wish I could have been a true friend, instead of using you as a prop for my personal love of attention.

It’s never too late to say you’re sorry.    I’m sorry.



While looking for a graphic for today’s post, I came across this, which also provides some food for thought.




  1. Oh, the sins we commit in our youth and ignorance. Thank you for your apology to R.G.

    It takes a big person, a Christ-centered person, to make this kind of public apology.

    I pray that R.G. will see or hear about this post and reconnect with you.

    Remember, Jesus paid it all.
    Grace and peace,

    Comment by Judith — March 27, 2009 @ 6:28 am

  2. Wow…this line was arresting “a lot of what it means to bear the name of Jesus Christ I truly have yet to learn”. Although I like to think of myself as a sensitive person, something happened over Christmas that I wish I could rewind. I was not a faithful bearer of Christs light. However, because it was recent I could go to that person and ask for forgiveness. But still. I am a mature believer. God should not have had to personally come down and set me straight. Thankfully, in this day and age, you may be able to find that friend again through an internet search and set your own heart at rest.This was an unsually moving post and one that will bring to mind many things to those who read it.

    Comment by Cynthia — March 27, 2009 @ 10:28 pm

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